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Other Info:
I'm nearly 36 years old. To explain how I ended up here, looking to have a baby with a stranger... well that is a long story. As indicated - I'm divorced. While the marriage was from start to finish a true nightmare - those two angels made every minute bearable. Four years ago, if you'd asked me where I thought I'd be in four years, I never would have said where I am now. Four years ago I filed for divorce, and my entire world was turned on its head. I escaped that nightmare marriage but doing so cost me everything. My job, my home, and worse yet, my family. Those two beautiful children that I haven't seen in four years because their father made them pawns in his efforts to destroy me. For awhile, I thought he had succeeded. He'd left me broke emotionally, financially and physically. For the last 3 years, I've slowly rebuilt my life, but here I stand... on the precipice of my 36th birthday and longing to hold my child. I could go back, try to take my children from his grasp, but I know without a doubt that he would threaten their lives before he'd let me have a moments happiness. So instead, I come here to find a stranger to father a child. A new child will not replace the love and longing for the two children I've already lost. Nothing can ever replace that. But a new child will give me hope for a future filled with the joy and happiness that only a child can bring. And this time - no one will hurt me or my child. This time - I don't want romance or flowers or promises that will just be broken. I want to make a promise to my child that he or she will come first, in every breath, in every moment, this child will have everything I can possibly give him or her in life.
I've been asked why I don't try dating, or finding a husband, and I suspect many women here will understand when I say that it isn't what I want and even more-so, seems unlikely I'll ever find it. My ex hurt me in ways that caused permanent physical changes. The person I see in the mirror is no longer the desirable 110 lb petite woman that married that man. In three years, and after numerous injuries, I've gained an insane amount of weight. I am working with my doctor to lose the weight, but that weight is the biggest hurdle I face in my desires to be a mother once more. I hope to find a donor who can see past my physical appearance and into the truth of my desires. The first time I said I wanted to be a mother - I was 3 years old and standing in the office of a social worker, hoping to be adopted. That desire has stayed with me since that moment, and I am a good mother. I want the chance to be what I've always dreamed of being - a mother.
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