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Other Info:
Kia ora e hoa mā, I'm a 33y/o Pākehā wahine seeking a friendship with a potential sperm donor.
I was raised in the shadow of Tuao Wharepapa on Ngāti Rarua | Atiawa whenua, by my parents and my nanna who was a reo Māori teacher and a gardener. Nō Ingarani tōku pāpā; ki te taha o tōku māmā no Kōtirana, Aerana, Tiamani ō mātou tīpuna. Ancestors on both sides 'settled' in the 1840s in the area where I grew up - my life's work is an unending prayer for reconciliation, recalling my tūpuna to accountability, and (re)creating peaceful, decolonial, eco-centric lifeways amongst my people(s) again.
My vision has always included the hospitality of my body to conduct whakapapa - the holding of small hands and feet even as the world is warping. I am a devoted aunty though the longing for my own is sharp (and resists silencing by reason). So here I am, humbly and openly seeking the grace of possibility.
I do not claim queerness but I am informed by, grateful for, and aligned with queer lifeways of loving and family-making. I live in my own home with my best friends; one is training to be a midwife, another is a single mum (with 5y/o son). Our home is a wholesome sanctuary in the city for our wide network of friends and I am already having conversations with potential aunties (of all genders).
I am interested in home-insemination with syringe. I am not interested in natural insemination. This is partly because of the law in New Zealand regarding donorship (one cannot legally claim donorship via NI), but also because of the kind of connection I'm seeking with a donor (which is based on friendship). I have zero interest in entertaining ulterior motives regarding sex, and it is for this reason also that I have a slight preference for a non-het man as my donor.
If I'm totally honest, my ideal would be to find a donor within my/our community because I would love the reason for donation to be that they know me and know that I'd be a great parent. I'd love their heart to be in it, and I would love for them to be, as per our queer and webbed ways, part of the family. To be clear I do not wish to co-parent with a donor and I would want to sign a legal contract in advance of trying to conceive (to the effect that the donor forfeits all rights and obligations of parenthood). Ideally we would be friends with a lot of mutual trust; my child would know who the donor is and there would be no obligation nor restriction on contact between the two of you. As friends with good communication, we would work this out as we go along.
I am not in a major hurry - in my mind I'd like to be hapū (pregnant) by the time I'm 35 (in two years). I anticipate that building a connection and an arrangement with a donor will take some time and I'm happy with this.
If any of this sparks a light in you, please message me. I am juggling many things right now and I will likely not pay for the messaging service until my current work contract is finished (May 2024). I'd love to hear from anyone who resonates with what I've written even if the likelihood of a practical match is unlikely (because of geography!) I'm very curious about the emotional landscape of those seeking to donate regarding motivation - I'd love to chat with folks who have donated before.
Thanks, with my heart, in advance <3
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